Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Just the begining.

I had other post on here before this one. I haven't be on my blog in quite some time. As I was reading my old post for about a year and a half ago, I realized something. I realized that I was going through something that isn't talked about very much. I had and still have depression. My twins at that time were about one and my little girl was 3. I had went to my doctor and got some meds for it but the doctor wasn't really caring about it. 

   He started messing with them and taking me off one and putting me on another for reason that were not good enough for a mom that was screaming and trying to feel like a human again. Trying to feel normal. Kaylen was seeing a lady for speech therapy when she saw what every one else in the world around me wouldn't say or maybe even see. She saw a mom who needed help. A mom who was at the end of her rope and was just getting worse.

   She told me that she sees whats wrong and thought that i needed to get some help. So she sent me to mental health. And this is where I found out that i was suffering from server depression and that I had been since my teenage years.

  All my life I had been told that it wasn't real. Its fake. Its all in your head. I had been screaming inside and didn't have any one to help me. I didn't have any one to support me, anyone to believe me.

  It's been a long road for me to start feeling better. But once they found the right meds and the right dose, I felt like i could handle anything. I felt like a new person. I felt like i could be a better mother and a better wife........a better me.

  I want to make it known to the world what I go through and have gone through with this.  I want to make it to where its not a bad thing to talk about it. Its not shameful to go through it.  We all have dealt with depression before or we will at some point in our lives.

  This is going to be a blog about What its like to live with depression in your every day life as a wife and a mother.  Its going to be how you survive with it. Its going to be about my life as a military wife moving all over the world living with depression. Its going to have a lot of day to day action of what a military wife goes through.

  The most important thing that I can tell you is I plan to be honest about every thing I put on here even if I look bad that day. I am not perfect. No one can be. Being a mom is hard. Being a parent is hard. Being a military wife is hard. Doing all of it with depression is hard. I know that I am not the only person who does this. This is not a awww poor me blog.  This is real and honest.